Week in Review

Hi all, it's been a while since I provided a real post - so here goes nothing...

It's been a somewhat difficult week. I try to keep it all in perspective but sometimes you have to allow the occasional "freak out", right? I'm entitled.

I saw my neurologist on Tuesday just for a casual chat - it's been almost 6 months since my official diagnosis of MS and I wanted to make sure things hadn't changed (if anything I feel better than I have in a really LONG time - numbness is at a minimum, burning in my legs and back has subsided, and overall my energy level is up to normal) but I wanted to take him all my MRI scans since all he had before was the paper radiology reports and not the actual images.

Well, sure enough, the diagnostic center where I had my MRIs messed up and only burned the C-spine and thoracic scans onto the CD (neck and upper back, spinal cord images) and not the most important ones of my brain... but the doc still popped in the CD and that's when the week started to get difficult.

He saw numerous lesions on my spine on both the cervical and thoracic scans and this was news to me. As he counted and said "these are very pronounced" I could feel myself getting warmer, I'm sure my blood pressure was rising. I know I saw those radiology reports but I guess I didn't realize there was evidence of nerve damage even 6 mos ago when the scans were first taken and I partly kick myself wondering why I didn't just go and get medicated - but I felt great about the decision at the time and now I am entertaining the idea of starting a daily MS medication routine - this freaks me out for several reasons: it involves sticking myself with a needle/syringe daily, it means life as I've known it is pretty much over and I have to admit there is something different about me. It's easy to deny you have a disease when you don't live a life unlike any others.

BUT, this is where my faith comes in. I've been praying long and hard about guidance for this issue and I think God has definitely directed me to the right doc and the right drug therapy option for my lifestyle - the drug he's recommending is the safest out there, it's not an interferon-based drug (similar to chemo for cancer patients, so not the nicest family of meds to be on) and it's safe to use daily for 15 years or more so I'm confident in it's likelihood that I will end up on the meds.

And how's this for amazing -- without insurance the monthly cost would range from $1200 - $1500 a month! My insurance covers a 90-day supply at the cost of $35 to me... that's about $12 a month - like my doc said "MS isn't an elective disease, insurance has to cover it!" So, I'm working to get my neurologist the brain scans just so he has the full picture - but it's been a hard week trying to process all the information (he literally gave me a binder (trapper keeper style) full of literature, and you know I'm a nerd and read every last page!) and it's also hard because Tim's been gone this week and virtually unreachable in the mountains of Nicaragua on the missions trip with church.

I make no decisions of this magnitude without talking with him - so I expect that I will have him go with me to the next appointment to ask more questions and then looks like maybe early April I will start the medications to help prevent more nervous system damage. That's the hardest part of the decision is choosing the path that leads to a greater good even if it means a sacrifice of lifestyle now - no MS medication gets rid of symptoms. You can only hope to prevent new damage from occurring and that's frustrating.

All I can say is MS is a nasty disease. Most days I'm super cool about it knowing that this is God's plan for my life, and I'm not to sit in misery but instead trust by faith that His plans are to prosper me and not to forsake me - and yet some days I just allow myself to say "THIS SUCKS!" because I think all would agree it surely does. The last few days have been an equal mix of both sentiments.

So, if you would, be praying for us as we sort through and decide on a safe plan for the treatment of this disease (I won't call it an illness because I AM NOT ILL) and also keep Tim in your prayers as he has one more full day in the mission field before coming home early Easter Sunday to spend a great resurrection day with me and our church family. I know he will have an amazing update of how God used him this week to touch the lives of those who don't know him and desperately needed the help provided by our church group. Photos will be uploaded too as soon as we get this disposable camera developed (how old school!)

Thank you all for reading my rants ;)